The shared center — held across the tradition
He built the world to look older than it is.
The letter's central move: every measurement that contradicts the creation account was altered at the moment of measuring, by a Noodly Appendage. The claim is unfalsifiable on purpose, and it is unfalsifiable in exactly the way its target is.
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Pirates cooled the earth, and there are fewer of them now.
The letter includes a chart of global average temperature against the estimated number of pirates since 1800, showing an inverse relationship, and concludes that the decline in piracy is the cause of global warming. It is the clearest demonstration of correlation mistaken for causation ever put in front of a school board.
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