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The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Created the universe while drunk, which the Gospel offers as the explanation for its condition. He touches with a Noodly Appendage, and being touched by it is how Pastafarians describe conversion.
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The shared center — held across the tradition
He built the world to look older than it is.
The letter's central move: every measurement that contradicts the creation account was altered at the moment of measuring, by a Noodly Appendage. The claim is unfalsifiable on purpose, and it is unfalsifiable in exactly the way its target is.
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Pirates cooled the earth, and there are fewer of them now.
The letter includes a chart of global average temperature against the estimated number of pirates since 1800, showing an inverse relationship, and concludes that the decline in piracy is the cause of global warming. It is the clearest demonstration of correlation mistaken for causation ever put in front of a school board.
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Cosmos & Afterlife
how reality is built, and what follows deathThe nature of reality
A created world whose evidence has been tampered with by its creator, so that no measurement of it can be trusted — a claim built to be exactly as unfalsifiable as the one it answers.
After death
A heaven with a beer volcano and a stripper factory, and a hell with the same two, gone stale. Named in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and not taught as doctrine.